Brainless

"Dear Discussion Gang, At what point do you give up on someone when you've given them months and months talking to them over and over about what you're missing from the relationship? Trying to communicate only to be dismissed or have shit twisted up. (The sex department) being told 'no we're equal, no we get the same amount of attention.' So you begin a diary writing everything down in code for the last 8 months, and he clearly gets foreplay 8 times to your 1. (This is the thing you've clearly expressed I need this it helps me feel confident and sexy) When we got together things were really equal in that regard. Or at least hella closer than 8 to 1. But we've been together close to 2 years. I poured my heart out saying basically that I feel like I'm being used, just a place to put a nut. One night I tried to spice things up and wake him up to sex which in the past he's loved, standing agreement of consent and one of his "biggest" turn ons per his words and prior conversations. And he tells me, "it's not my fault you didn't get off" "see that's what you get thinking about other men"...... when in reality I just walked to the door saw him laying there and even through all the hurt and not feeling appreciated he turned me on.... there was no other man and now I feel ashamed for even trying...... took me more than half a hour of masturbating to get off opposed to my usual 2-3 minutes because of the feeling of shame. And on top of it every time I turn around he's commenting on other women looking "bad" or saying how he'd "dick them down" or "suck corn or of their asshole to put it back in and suck it out again" but you're "supposed" to be perfect. He "chose" you. But he won't give you proper foreplay... I tried dancing on him to Cyclone by Baby Bash and he pushed me away and said "well you're white you can't dance lol". I'm just at a loss and feel like shit idk if I'm over thinking or what but damn I've tried just talking, talking shit like he claims he does, tried just giving up till he initiates.... he doesn't. I even tried joking the way he says he does.... so tonight I joke he loves vodka more than me.... but I got a water bottle full of vodka thrown at me telling me I'm full of shit and to never say that again but then told its my fault I didn't get off or I'm thinking of other men.... I know he isn't cheating, I've been through his phone but that's the other half of the tea. Like I wanna top he has been a bottom in the past but is a felon and swears he ain't bi which I don't give af, I'm bi. But he don't wanna bottom for me even though I wanna top. Okay he says he prefers the real thing and okay on one hand I can respect and understand that. Having toys myself and being a woman, real versus silicone IS different. And I'm like okay fine we both get grindr. Men just wanna fuck me not him. Which he's apparently cool with he apparently wants a train run on me and I'm like listen my guy I'm a freak but ummmm I've only ever had 2 women 1 man and no double pentration. But yet we got married a few months ago. It was about a week and a half after that was the last time I got head, clit played with, or fingered and before that I couldn't tell you when it happened last. So I've used him and a toy trying to make him happy. Shaved that night and everything. No foreplay for me, head and handhjob, then anal for him to me and a toy in my vajayjay. So I did DP for the FIRST time EVER. I even invited his ex ol lady at one point to live with us. Now I got the daughter here that isn't even biologically his but he's been with for the last 15 years living with us and when she moved in, invited the ex ol lady and grand daughter to stay for a week, took them back now have a power of attorney over said daughter etc like it's a whole mess. Like how many bitches you know gonna invite the EX to come stay for a week, let alone the child that isn't biologically his, offer to basically take custody and handle shit while he's at work and I can't even get some head?! Like hell at one point I offered for the ex and all of her daughters, none of which are biologically his, and all grand kids included to live with us and help his ex find a job. But I can't get some head?? Or like fingerings? Clit played with? Like wtf?!?!? How can I get him to understand that my needs aren't being met?"

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